1. DO NOT toilet paper ANYTHING!! No houses, schools, college, bars, churches, police stations, ANYTHING AT ALL! That takes hours to clean up, and it is just plain rude to do.
2. DO NOT SCARE THE ELDERLY AND GIVE THEM A HEART ATTACK! Tobacco smoking isn’t the only thing that causes heart-attacks.
3. DO NOT ask, “That’s it?” When someone gives you candy. Be grateful. Even if it is a runty little tootsie roll. In these economic times, even the smallest piece of candy costs a fortune.
4. DO NOT steal any kids’ candy. If you want some candy that badly, then go buy your own or trick or treating. This is a holiday for all ages, and the younger generation deserves to have a fun Halloween.
5. DO NOT fight anybody for their candy. Last year, two-weak-minded 19-year-old fools fought over some candy on Halloween. Candy. Seriously, just go buy some if you’re honestly that desperate to get a sugar high.
6. DO NOT use real blood if you want to be a zombie. Ketchup is fine.
7. DO NOT pull any pranks. I don’t care if it is part of your costume; I’m sick of accidents.
8. DO NOT use real weapons. Buy some fake ones at the Dollar Store or Wal-Mart. Please?
9. DO NOT dress up as the Human Torch from Fantastic 4. In fact, don’t dress up in any costume that requires you to light yourself on fire.
10. DO NOT bite anybody even if you’re dressed as a vampire or werewolf. As a matter a fact, don’t bite anybody at all regardless of what day it is. Better yet, keep your mouth closed. Vampire, werewolf, striper, or not. Sorry, blame Twilight 1, 2, and 3.
