Dating apps aren’t worth it.
When looking at a dating app, you see a clean and pristine photo of someone putting on their best picture to court a potential partner. However, all dating apps see is codes, a bunch of numbers to put in their data base, calculating the perfect match just for you.
But is it truly the perfect match?
Most of us are tired of the phrase “Love will arrive when you least expect it.” It’s outdated, a tale as old as time that eventually, you will find someone right for you.
But why wait? Why not speed up the process by downloading an app that can calculate the person of your dreams? Hours and hours of mindless swiping to find that perfect someone to match your weirdness.
However, no matter how much you swipe, you still aren’t satisfied. That’s because all you are seeing is a front.
Lets take an example at Chad, his profile says he is 21 and has a lot of pictures of him going to the gym and hanging out with friends. It says in his description that he likes cats and long walks on the beach.
Though what is Chad like outside of the dating app? Is he looking for the same thing I want in a relationship, or does he want a mindless hook up? Does he really like long walks on the beach?
The Issue
Wow you got your first match! Now convince them.
Convince them why you are the right person for them. Why are you two meant to be together?
Nowadays, people’s attention is short. We want something that stands out from the ordinary. You have to really impress the person with your profile, dazzle them with something quirky or how stylish you can be. They might swipe because of your attractiveness of course, but what is the personality behind?
It can also be the other way around. What sucks about that type of situation is when you don’t impress them.
You start to wonder, “Am I the issue?” Sure you can get a dozen swipes, but where is the effort put into getting to know you?
Dating apps make people insecure, and I have definitely been there. They often make you feel like you’re not good enough, and that you aren’t worth the time and effort to get to know. Sometimes when no one swipes on you, you wonder, “Am I even attractive?” or “Am I an interesting enough person?”
Humans want to be wanted. They want to be adored by others in a romantic way. That feeling is like no other.
But it is so fickle to grasp attention, that yearning from others that makes you feel all bubbly inside.
You become numb to every swipe you make. Profiles begin to blend together until you start thinking “What is the point?” I started off with high expectations. Hoping to find that perfect someone off of the bat. But the more I texted people, it led to having one sided conversations, disgusting interactions or just being ghosted. You sort of lose the expectation to find someone.
If dating on an app is difficult, how will I be any better at finding someone in person?
On top of all that, the app itself doesn’t do anything good for the user. The algorithm is trying to figure out your type, and trust me, we all have one.
The issue with that is sometimes apps just see surface level stuff. They connect you with people that have the same interests or have the same preference. How they calculate most of this is by the behavior patterns that you show, and based on popularity score. For example, Hinge uses a Gale-Shapley model algorithm, finding two equals based on rank and preferences.
Which ideally is a fair algorithm, however some people don’t base it on interest. Some base on looks alone and just decide to swipe because of attractiveness. Which can cause popularity just alone. Screwing up the algorithm to random people that don’t have the same interest.
And don’t get me started on the damn paywalls!
When I was on the dating app scene, I was curious about what perks you actually get when paying and it’s literally nothing.
The variety of people you get to see expands, and you actually get to see people who swipe on you. But other than that it’s literally the same people you swiped away from. And sometimes the algorithm won’t give you full access to the app unless you pay for it.
In particular, the dating app Duet was the most confusing app I have ever been on in my life. I couldn’t swipe unless I paid, I couldn’t text unless I paid, not a single thing.
Why do I have to pay for an app to find the perfect person for me? I could just use that money and pay someone to find me some random guy on the street and just say “Your Perfect Match!”
Most people, from what I have seen, don’t want a relationship with you. They just want to hook up. Which is fine, there is no shame in wanting to get your freak on. But the issue with that is two types of people that are mingling together; those who want a relationship and those who don’t.
There are people on there that don’t want commitment. Individuals who don’t want to deal with the everyday need to take care of someone. To constantly have to check up on someone, to be dedicated to one person.
And there is that confusing group that doesn’t want that, yet wants every bit of the relationship benefit, but not the title or commitment to it.
But there is that chance you do find that person. You find them and you are having such a great conversation with them. You think this individual might be the one.
Three things usually occur: you start hanging out, they ghost you or you ghost them, or one of you isn’t interested.
Some people use dating apps to cope, usually if they went through a huge break-up.
It’s not a great way to cope.
Sure you get compliments and people drooling all over you. Knowing that people find you attractive is the best thing to be aware of.
Where does that leave you though?
You have standards, and so do other people. It’s okay to have them.
Standards are principles that you want from the person to treat you and others. Like having someone who respects animal life or just nature in general. I know for a fact I have standards, and depending on who you ask, they could be high or low to some people.
Dating apps don’t represent people’s qualities. When you get to talk to people, you still don’t know their morals, ideals or if they kick puppies. Sure talking to them will give you an idea, but you don’t know what’s the core of that person.
There often is a lack of communication when it comes to dating apps. Usually dealing with one-sided conversations or the fact that they’re not ready for a relationship. You think you’re ready to commit to that person, but you just start to realize. . . you are not ready.
You can’t be honest with people. Admitting that they are afraid to be hurt again, dealing with past trauma from another relationship, and being scared to be with the wrong person, there are so many possibilities. And it’s understandable, dating is scary. Dating apps make that experience even scarier yet easier to ignore those problems.
However, sometimes there are a lucky few that actually find that perfect someone. A guy I was talking to on Bumble literally found his soulmate, and now they are moving in with each other after dating for two years.
Plus my best friend found an amazing guy that gets her and cares about her. And I am happy that she was able to find someone for her.
It just isn’t the same for most people though, and when I scroll through profile after profile, I feel nothing.
I want that deep connection where I can look into the person’s eyes and have a conversation, to hold their hand as we laugh together. I want to see their smiles when we talk.
Talking to people over a dating app lacks that connection you feel when you meet someone in person. Being in the moment with that person you want to build a relationship and friendship with.
It’s so difficult nowadays to find someone, especially on dating apps. It’s an absolute headache.
Though, don’t give up hope. There is someone out there for you to fall in love with, but it isn’t gonna happen in one swipe. It might just happen by one small tap on the shoulder.
