Love and War

Turning Relation Conflict into Conversation

Story By: Kiran Kaur, Reporter

More often than not we find ourselves sitting in front of a friend, significant other or family member arguing over something as simple as whether or not the toilet paper goes over or under. Your dad slams his fist down on the counter in heated dissent after you’ve said your part and now you’re preparing to counteract with facts, wooden spoon in hand. 

Harmless disagreements like these are nothing to worry about most of the time, but how do you know when a difference of opinion is a dealbreaker?

Each person brings their own perspectives, values and thoughts into a relationship. That is what helps it thrive. Disagreements can be a good way to usher in change, with action or thought. Ideally, those in a relationship experiencing a disagreement would discuss their thoughts and feelings instead of closing off or refusing to listen. 

The key would be to stay open-minded and let go of the idea that ‘I always have to be right.’ If I believe I’m always right, it would probably make the relationship incredibly boring. Also it’d just be disrespectful, as if I don’t care what they have to say. I can learn just as much from them as they can from me.

However, for some there can be topics that have no wiggle room; it is either one way or no way. When you find yourself in a relationship where something that is concrete to your beliefs is the point of disagreement, you might end up cutting off that relationship altogether.

Sometimes that might be the best thing for you to do. And sometimes you may not want to end a relationship altogether, which is where discussion becomes important. That can be the thing that changes my mind, or theirs.

Being in a relationship of almost two years, my boyfriend and I hold communication responsible for our success. Besides just that, we made sure to set boundaries before investing more of ourselves into the relationship. 

Core values must be shared in order to know if a relationship can be upheld. A difference in opinion with another person is inevitable and only you can decide what you want to do with that.  

I asked my boyfriend what he thinks a difference of opinion brings to a relationship. “I always approach it as a positive thing. I don’t just want to be dating another version of myself or a yes man.” 

Always agreeing on every single thing would probably drive me mad, there would be no room to grow. He added, “Most opinions won’t ever be a dealbreaker, I typically judge by the person’s actions, but if someone had an opinion that directly contradicted some of my personal morals, I would start to reconsider the relationship.”

After knowing you share the same core values, any other disagreements over opinion will be a breeze. Ensuring there is an open line of communication and making sure you’re understanding one another will make sure your relationship will flourish and help you grow together.