Are you SEXY??
The question may cause some discomfort, and others may yell, “Hell yes. I am.” Whatever your reaction, the truth lies in your internalization of what sexy truly is. My goal is to open your mind to the possibility that sexy is about more than the outward image you show others; it is a state of mind.
So often, people get caught up in the superficial yearnings for beauty and popularity and lose sight of what is truly important. Broadening our horizons and opening up to new opportunities is a large part of the college experience, and the days of high school’s cool ‘popularity contests’ should be distant. As a college student, you have made a choice to work towards a healthier future. You have begun the journey of higher learning and shut the door on a past of childlessness. Or have you?
According to many of the men spoken to, looks may catch a guy’s eye, but the personality is what keeps them. Who wants a beautiful book that has nothing worth reading inside? As the saying goes, beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes straight to the bone. Inner beauty radiates outward and has a far more lasting hold. Yes, men are attracted to the outer beauty. Sex sells; it captures their attention for a moment, but what men say holds their attraction is women of real substance. And what better way to develop real substance than achieving higher education?
And what about women’s view about men; many women say that what makes a man sexy is his air of confidence and intelligence (and of course tight abs and a firm butt don’t hurt.) Overall, a man’s sex appeal seems to be stronger based on his success, drive and ambition, rather than his physical appearance. So gentlemen, the truth is education is sexy and may just be the key to your future success with women.
Physical attraction is as old as civilization itself. But, it seems that it is what we define as sexy that has changed. In the Renaissance, a robust women was considered sexy. (Ever saw a statue of a waif back then??) Then there was Marilyn Monroe, (Size 12) and today we have inspirational women like the former model Tyra Banks who recently spoke out that size does not determine what is sexy. But, everywhere we look we see images that contradict common sense. We starve ourselves, submit to surgical ‘improvements’ and spend billions on beauty aids, makeup, clothes, and accessories in the endless search for perfection.
Unfortunately, in today’s society of airbrushed photos and painted on jeans, women find themselves struggling to fit the mold of the media’s portrayal of what sexy should be. Finding themselves defined by the opinion of men’s attention to their bodies, these women allow their self-esteem to be determined by their sexuality. Then they complain that they are sexualized and treated unfairly. Well ladies, you can’t always have your cake and eat it to: You have to realize what type of message you’re sending the world. You decide what type of image you want to share with the world. You should dress to feel comfortable. You should dress to feel good about yourself.
Albert Ellis, a well known American psychotherapist taught unconditional self acceptance. His philosophy is that in order to make real changes in life, me must stop complaining and take action. He stated, “Stop moaning and get off your backside.- Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining – and the key to happiness lies in forgetting your God-awful past.”
Through this philosophy Ellis taught individuals to accept themselves and others as they are. To enact change one must quit complaining about thier circumstance or blaming the past for the choices made in the present. This path leads to self-confidence. And self-condifence is what is sexy.
Each individual has the ability to twist their thinking to conform to the masses, but within each also lies the ability to rise above the influences and create their own identity and individuality. You have a choice. You can attempt to conform and lose sight of yourself, or you can strive to rise above the constant bombardments and find the strength within to become the best you possible. That is sexy.
Hannah Nichols, the author of “College Love & Sex: What is Sexy?” quoted a letter written by a man named Peter, “Beauty should not come from what you wear. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth.”
So, when next you begin the daunting task of deciding what to wear to school or work, or shopping for new clothes, keep these things in mind: You don’t need to show more skin to win. You don’t need the high priced name brand clothing. You don’t need every male (or female) to stop and watch as you pass. You don’t need to wear uncomfortable shoes. You don’t have to wear thongs hanging out your jeans. You don’t need to impress anyone but yourself. You just need to be happy with you.
Bring the REAL sexy back.